Come on!

I feel there isn't enough people jumping on the "i'm ULTIMATE" band wagon at the minute. It's ok, all of you people out there who lack self esteem and really believe that you're not ULTIMATE, you can become ULTIMATE. It is very, very easy to become ULTIMATE, all you have to do is click the "follow" button over there to the right -------------->

Anyway, I can't really think of what to write here today...as I'm still not completely sold on the whole idea of "blogging", nor really understand the concept! It is a little bit weird...

Am I supposed to be really big headed and blow my own trumpet?(There's websites for that already in place, almost 95% of the Internet) Am I supposed to explain how my entire day went today? (It was really boring, being an Astronaut really isn't what it's cracked up to be) Or what? Tell me!!! What the hell am I supposed to do? Being ULTIMATE is something that just comes naturally...

I suppose (after reading some other blogs today) that I could do what a lot of people do and use the blogging world to complain about certain things that have happened etc....

Let's try that! Bare in mind that I am male (hence being ULTIMATE! (sorry!) so probably won't be as good at this as all your ladies out there!! (sorry again :P) ).

I'm going on holiday in 26 days. I hope you're all jealous. Anyway, as people who are going on holidays to hot places do, me and my Girlfriend (less ultimate than me - www.thecowsareagainstus.blogspot.com) went into Superdrug to buy something known as Magicool.

Magicool is awesome, it's a strange chemical based spray in a can that makes things cool! All you uncool people out there should try it! (www.itchyitchytasty.blogspot.com) You can spray Magicool onto surfaces and the surfaces even turn, and remain, cold!

Alright, this is starting to sound like the script for one of those horrible tv advertising channels, so I will stop my raving about Magicool.

Back to the complaining, away from the free advertising...

Two women join the queue behind us, and one mutters to the other "Pfft idiots, it's just water in a can. We will go and get the same thing for £1 in another shop.

Now, I really really really really like confronting people like this. I actually have a passion for arguing (again, yes I'm male....so I'm good at it :P) However, just as I was in mid turn to explain to them the different between a water spray and Magicool (awesomenessss) I head them mutter about going on holiday very soon too!

Now I was stuck. I could turn all the way around and explain to them the differences and look like an ULTIMATE guy, or I could just leave it and bite my tongue and hope that they burn to death when they go on holiday. Spraying water on your skin in high temperatures just makes you burn more! Spray it on surfaces is useless as it will just evaporate very quickly, and not really reduce any temperature!

Anyway, after thinking about it, and being the really nice guy I am. I turned around......smiled and walked away. Hope you cook, you twats!!!

So, is this how you're supposed to blog?
Help me out here!


To all you ultimate's out there...
POWOWOWDOW!

Ultimate Centipede Trousers!

"If a centipede wanted to kit out his little centipede family with tiny centipede trousers, how much would it cost him, and can you recommend a good centipede tailor?

I wouldn't ask, but I've got a friend who really wants to know. "

What a question! I having a feeling some of you Ultimaters out there are trying to baffle me with your tricky questions...but I cannot be baffled! For I am Ultimate!

First of all a quick science lesson. Centipedes don't actually have 100 legs....(other than some cases where they'd had accidents!) and they always have an odd amount.

We need to know what centipede your friend is clothes shopping for ideally, as they vary between 15 legs to over 171 legs! However, the most common centipede (Scolopendromorpha) typically have 21 or 23 legs, whereas the most common house centipedes (Scutigera Coleoptrato) only have 15!

Centy and his family.

Ok, so I know my picture isn't perfectly representative of a real centipede! Yes it does have 16 legs, which is completely unfactual. But Hey, it is also wearing shorts.

We're not able to give you a price on such a bespoke item, but we know who can make you some!

In Decemeber 1919 a man called Spallanzani conducted an experiment with frogs....and their seaman....anyway, he successfully created some tiny trousers for the frogs to wear!

(Yes I am jealous of his ultimate outfit) The trousers would catch the seaman and then he could do whatever he liked with it. Maybe he was attempting to create what happened in New Zealand recently? Oh, you know, the Horse seaman being served in the student pubs? (So many shots and mouths jokes that i'm fighting not to use!)

He remains to believe it was purely sexual biographic, but we're not so sure.

Anyway, the man in question has since died, but i'm certain he wouldn't of passed away without first passing on his tiny creature trouser making abilities to the next generations! Look him up!

It must be Ultimate!

Ahoy Ultimate Followers, and anonymous readers alike!

Well, The ULTIMATE Blog only came into existence (Ultimate existence obviously, more ultimate than dinosaurs.) yesterday and it's already received over 150 hits! I'm not entirely sure how 10 people in Czech Republic got a hold of my blog address though, nor the USA, India, Indonesia, Netherlands, Germany and Greece!

I think this evidence of exponential growth (exponential growth is often a mis-used phrase, in that exponential means a number is always multiplied by a set multiple of ten each time! So I can use this seeing as this is the second day. Unfortunately that does mean that I need to have 1,500 hits by tonight....so...get on it) shows just how Ultimate this blog really is!

Anyway, in the "Ideas" tab above you can now email questions and queries and I will blog them back to you in a most Ultimate way.

I've been asked where to get Silver shoes from before tomorrow!

If you can't get the colour shoes you want then get yourself down to Primark, or somewhere else which sells equally quality made items, and get some felt tips!

I did this once to make some red shoes, these shoes are awesome, ultimate even! Years later they still look new, and bright red! Although when they got wet my socks and feet did also turn red....but with silver.....who wouldn't want silver feet?

Silver is nearly as good as gold! People all over the world would become instantly jealous of you, and your silver feet. (Not guaranteed, condoned, or as Ultimate as this blog).

In fact, I'm a bit jealous already and think I may go and paint my feet silver! Think of the Great silver back gorilla! Making part of your body silver would be like the epitome of manliness!

Now I'm thinking of painting other things silver too...

Now, because this is the ULTIMATE blog we have to go a little further with the whole weird statue thing. Fortunately, in my ultimate searches for the above naked man I stumbled across a much more....interesting (yes, that's the word) statue....

Yes, that's what I thought too! Anywho, if you're still reading this blog (and if you're an ULTIMATE person then you will be, if you're not you're just a freak) and haven't been chased away by very sexual images with swans, then take a look around some of our new friends blogs too!  That Boys Blog... (Dizzee Joe's Music Blog) The Cows Are Against Us (Bee's weird and wonderful blog)

Peace out ultimate people!!!! POWWOW!